It’s such a colorful time of year in Philadelphia when the weather begins to warm. More people frolicking out and about on the historic, cobblestone streets. But you wonder why you aren’t experiencing the same sense of excitement and joy as it seems your fellow Philadelphians. All you can find yourself thinking about as you travel the Center City streets is how uncomfortable you feel in your body. You find yourself worried that others are judging the way your body looks in your newly purchased spring attire. You want so badly to feel happy in the changing of the seasons, but you can’t. You dread the warmer weather and the body shame it brings.
Inner Critic vs. Inner Coach
We all have inner voices—one that judges and belittles and one that is nurturing and up-lifting. However, for many the second inner voice often sounds like a fantasy. In fact, it feels impossible to even comprehend talking to yourself in a kind way because for most of us…the critic often always wins. Our inner voice can be a destructive force that can impact our overall mental wellbeing. This damaging voice magnifies negativity and often isn't satisfied until we are left feeling defeated and sometimes even paralyzed. So, how can we regain balance within our own system? How can we reset the inner critic and strengthen our inner coach?
Post-Holiday Blues
Getting back into the swing of things can come as a relief for many after the holidays. Jumping back into their comfortable routine and leaving the holiday stress behind is what actually brings much cheer to many. For others, the financially, emotionally and mentally stressful come down from the most wonderful time of the year can bring on post-holiday blues.
Self-Quarantine Has Taught Me the Importance of Self Care by Julie Salerno
"We cannot love others until we love ourselves" by Mikala Morrow
"We cannot love others until we love ourselves"
by Mikala Morrow, Villanova Graduate Counseling Intern
This saying has been a cliché statement that has been thrown around as a way to encourage self-care or even used as a convincing statement to those who find it hard to love themselves. What does this statement truly mean?
It means that someway, somehow we must find, within us, love. This must mean that love is an innate ability and we all possess the ability to love ourselves without the assistance of others.
Personally, I do not believe this to be true. Can we truly have an innate ability to love ourselves without any help from others? If we truly cannot love others until we love ourselves, we have to be able to love ourselves without help, right? Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Which comes first, our innate ability to love? Or is love taught to us from our caretakers, partners, peers or a higher power?
What if, “We cannot love others until we love ourselves” becomes “We cannot love ourselves and others until we have been loved.” My argument is that in order to learn to love others, we must first be loved. We must learn how to love and what love is.
Imagine a child who is neglected by their caretaker. This child never truly learns love. Instead, to them, love means neglect. Later on in life when meeting new people, how will they love them? If all this older child has known is that love is neglectful, they too will neglect those that they love.
Compare the first child with someone who has a loving caretaker who has shown interest in who they are. This child will grow up with the idea that love is showing interest in others and will love in this way. These examples may not be true for all, but it is something to think about. The child in the first scenario may
learn somewhere how to truly love but this will not come as easily as the child in the second scenario.
We need to learn what love looks like towards us and we also need to learn how we love. We may love by giving others gifts or our time. We may show our love through compliments or by offering a shoulder to cry on. We all have a unique way to show love. In order to practice our ways of loving, we need people around us to accept our love. If our unique way of showing love is rejected, we learn that we are not good at loving, or our way of loving is wrong.
Let’s say you show love with your time but your partner becomes annoyed and tells you they just want space. Your way of loving has been pushed away. We need other people around us to affirm the way we love. While the statement, “We cannot love others until we love ourselves” has a good message at the core, it can be damaging for those who have never learned how to love themselves.
We all need love whether it is from other humans on earth (maybe even from a pet) or a supernatural love. Then we can truly love others’ authentically and comfortably.
Mikala has an intensely compassionate and unique way of connecting with you to help you identify and express your feelings and your deepest sense of self. She is persistent and encouraging in the face of hopelessness and despair. She especially loves working with women to provide tools to alleviate anxiety and depression. Mikala has a wealth of experience and is skilled in the mental health field working with domestic violence, food & body issues and addiction. If you're struggling to tolerate your emotions and you're looking for a guide to help you get to know yourself better, give her a call now at 570-412-4516.