5 Things You need to know before you start counseling

So, you’ve decided to start counseling and you’re ready to go.  Perhaps you’ve never done therapy before or maybe you’re looking to take a new approach.  Here are some things you need to know before you start counseling.

1.  Finding a therapist that you feel safe with is most important. 

You can line up a bunch of great therapists, but if they’re not the best fit for you, you’re not going to do the intense, deep work you’re looking to do.  The role of a therapist is to be a guide through your journey, reflect back to you what we see and help you to overcome obstacles towards meeting your goals.  If you don’t click with your therapist or don’t feel safe enough to trust them, reaching your goals with them is unlikely.  Your therapist should be someone you can relax around and speak freely without fear of being judged.  Trust and safety are of paramount importance when you’re looking to do deep work on things like eating disorders, trauma, PTSD, couples’ work or issues specific to the LGBTQIA community.

2.  Specialties mean that there’s been special training in a particular issue. 

Our training in graduate school and doctoral programs very rarely provides training for specific diagnoses like PTSD, eating disorders or addictions.  So when a therapist decides to have a particular specialty, we need to seek out training geared specifically towards these issues.  If you notice that a therapist you’re interested in has indicated that we specialize in a particular area, you might want to ask us what sorts of training we’ve done to qualify us as an expert.  This will give you a better idea of how equipped we are to help you with your specific struggle.

3.  When you hire a therapist, you are paying for a space that is yours, for you.

I’ve heard people say that therapy is like paying someone to be your friend.  This is actually not true.  When you hire a therapist and you pay money, what you are paying for is a safe, neutral, objective space and time where you can do your work.  It is an energy exchange.  You are not paying your therapist to care about you, you are paying for an hour in a room that is completely and totally about you and no one else.  In friendships, there’s a give and take, there’s a social obligation to ask how they are and be a support to them.  In a relationship with your therapist, you are taking time for yourself only and receiving support that is not reciprocated emotionally, only financially.  This dynamic can be extremely healing and empowering and for many, it is the only time and space where healing can truly take place.

4.  The more consistently you go, the more effective therapy is.

Sometimes, in an attempt to save money or save time, people want to schedule therapy sessions every other week or once per month.  While there’s nothing particularly wrong with scheduling like this, you may want to rethink the frequency and consistency of your therapy schedule.  You don’t have to be in therapy forever.  You can establish and work towards specific measurable goals with your therapist and see regular progress.  However, progress is more difficult to measure when you attend therapy inconsistently.  You may be having symptoms of PTSD, for example, and when several weeks go by without working on those particular symptoms, it is more difficult to get traction.  If you’re struggling with binging and purging and you go every week, you can check in with your therapist about the particular triggers and behaviors that may have lead to your binge and purge.  Don’t take my word for it, check it out for yourself.  Set a goal with your counselor and try going weekly, write down your progress and notice the differences between your weekly sessions over a period of at least 3 months versus bi-weekly or monthly progress over a 3-month period.  You may be surprised with the results.

5.  Therapy happens in stages.

Sometimes we think that as soon as we set foot in the door of a therapy office, we will be “cured” immediately or within a few sessions.  The reality is that there’s a therapeutic process which happens in stages.  The first stage is joining with your therapist or learning to trust them.  When we meet a new friend, we don’t usually tell them our deepest darkest right off the bat, it takes time and trust building to get to a place where we know they are a good friend.  A similar concept is applied in therapy.  Depending on the client, the level and amount of trauma and defenses, this stage can take anywhere from about a month to sometimes a year or even more.  Safety, trust and a therapeutic bond, known as a therapeutic alliance, is formed in order for the therapist to really know and understand the client and for the client to feel safe enough to open up and do their work. 

The second stage is where the work is done.  Since there’s now an underlying foundation established between therapist and client, the second stage is about vulnerability.  There is an unpacking, uncovering, examining and exploring the process that happens with the client and their trauma or their history.  This stage is where people see their patterns and make shifts and changes in their thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.  The second stage of the therapeutic process is where clients reach their goals.

The third stage may or may not be part of the therapeutic process, dependent upon the client’s preference.  This stage is for maintenance.  The client continues therapy but perhaps doesn’t come every week any longer.  They use their therapist to check in with, get help with issues as they arise and review the goals and behaviors they established during the second stage.  Some people choose to forego this step and skip to the fourth stage.

The fourth stage of counseling is a closure process.  After attaining goals in the second stage, and maintaining new behaviors and thought processes in the fourth stage, this last and final stage is a review of accomplishments, work together and closure of the therapeutic relationship.  If the client chooses to end counseling, this practice of review and closure can be especially healing for those who have experienced traumatic grief or loss.  Saying goodbye in a healthy way, honoring the relationship without suddenly cutting it off is a beneficial process to learn about emotional maturity and sophistication. 

I hope these tips have been helpful.  Please feel free to comment below with any other tips or feedback you have on this topic.  If you’d like to speak further about starting counseling or have any other questions about some of the things I’ve mentioned, please contact me at TiffanySpilove@yahoo.com or call 610-314-8402.  I wish you luck in your endeavors and look forward to hearing from you soon!!

"We cannot love others until we love ourselves" by Mikala Morrow

 "We cannot love others until we love ourselves"

by Mikala Morrow, Villanova Graduate Counseling Intern

This saying has been a cliché statement that has been thrown around as a way to encourage self-care or even used as a convincing statement to those who find it hard to love themselves. What does this statement truly mean?

It means that someway, somehow we must find, within us, love. This must mean that love is an innate ability and we all possess the ability to love ourselves without the assistance of others.

Personally, I do not believe this to be true. Can we truly have an innate ability to love ourselves without any help from others? If we truly cannot love others until we love ourselves, we have to be able to love ourselves without help, right? Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Which comes first, our innate ability to love? Or is love taught to us from our caretakers, partners, peers or a higher power?

What if, “We cannot love others until we love ourselves” becomes “We cannot love ourselves and others until we have been loved.” My argument is that in order to learn to love others, we must first be loved. We must learn how to love and what love is.

Imagine a child who is neglected by their caretaker. This child never truly learns love. Instead, to them, love means neglect. Later on in life when meeting new people, how will they love them? If all this older child has known is that love is neglectful, they too will neglect those that they love.

Compare the first child with someone who has a loving caretaker who has shown interest in who they are. This child will grow up with the idea that love is showing interest in others and will love in this way. These examples may not be true for all, but it is something to think about. The child in the first scenario may

learn somewhere how to truly love but this will not come as easily as the child in the second scenario.

We need to learn what love looks like towards us and we also need to learn how we love.  We may love by giving others gifts or our time. We may show our love through compliments or by offering a shoulder to cry on. We all have a unique way to show love. In order to practice our ways of loving, we need people around us to accept our love. If our unique way of showing love is rejected, we learn that we are not good at loving, or our way of loving is wrong.

Let’s say you show love with your time but your partner becomes annoyed and tells you they just want space. Your way of loving has been pushed away. We need other people around us to affirm the way we love.  While the statement, “We cannot love others until we love ourselves” has a good message at the core, it can be damaging for those who have never learned how to love themselves.

We all need love whether it is from other humans on earth (maybe even from a pet) or a supernatural love. Then we can truly love others’ authentically and comfortably.

Mikala has an intensely compassionate and unique way of connecting with you to help you identify and express your feelings and your deepest sense of self.  She is persistent and encouraging in the face of hopelessness and despair.  She especially loves working with women to provide tools to alleviate anxiety and depression.  Mikala has a wealth of experience and is skilled in the mental health field working with domestic violence, food & body issues and addiction.  If you're struggling to tolerate your emotions and you're looking for a guide to help you get to know yourself better, give her a call now at 570-412-4516. 

Dealing with Anger About Your Past: 5 Ways to Channel Your Rage

You’ve been through a lot of scary, horrible situations - more than most people.  It’s in the past now, but it still feels so present.  Every time you take a shower, eat a meal, hear a certain song or smell that familiar, sickening smell, the memories are right there - alive and well in your life.  You’ve tried to get past them and move on.  You’ve tried talking about them and it hasn’t helped.  You’ve cried about it, cut your skin, cursed your perpetrators and done everything in your power to make it go away, but you’re angry.  They hurt you.  They took parts of your life from you and you can never get it back.  Here are some healthy ways you can channel your rage:

1.  Sweat it out:

What we resist, persists.  If we continuously try to squash the anger and make it go away, it will continue to resurface.  Find ways to move the energy through you rather than trying to stuff it down.  Find a self-defense class - the physical activity and the techniques to learn to defend yourself as well can be empowering, even retroactively.  Bikram Yoga is a yang activity, as opposed to most other yin yoga.  The heat, the intensity, the discipline and repetitiveness along with the pain are quite cathartic.  Additionally, some of the poses are meant to help move emotions through, my favorite is the camel, heart opening pose - lots of emotions and no one will notice if you shed a few tears in the midst of all the sweat that happens.  Beat up a punching bag - you can imagine it’s your perpetrator or not, but either way, it’s a physical reflection of your internal state and it helps to externalize.  Other physical activities such as running, biking, swimming, etc are all excellent ways to boost your neurotransmitters AND the bi-lateral stimulation has a similar effect as EMDR.  Just be careful to make sure you stay in your body - if you dissociate while you engage in these activities you can injure your body, so feel your feet and stay present.

2.  Loud Music:

Create an angry playlist or find a favorite angry song or two.  Listen while you drive, or walk or run.  Listen and write down the lyrics.  Create your own lyrics or your own song, change the lyrics in your favorite song to make it more relevant to your memories.  Find music that talks about resolve and peace.  Depending on your mood you might want to lean into the anger or you might be ready to cool it down.  Music is an excellent way to reflect feelings and feel connected to others’ who might have gone through some similar things.  Here are some excellent bands that write songs about anger: Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Rage Against the Machine, Perfect Circle, Disturbed, Pierce the Veil, Bush, Emarosa, Dance Gavin Dance, The Amity Affliction, I Prevail.

3.  Get Creative:

Write a poem or a song, create some art, write a story about your trauma, then re-write it with the ending that empowers you - it’s transformative.  Write an angry letter to your perpetrator and/or another person involved in your trauma - perhaps someone who didn’t protect you.  Create a box to hold all your anger - as things come up, write them down or create something to represent it and put it in your box.  Even if you don’t think you’re good at art, do it anyway (you don’t have to show anyone), use magazine images, clay, paints or all of the above.  Get messy, rip up a phone book, find a safe space to burn things in.  

4.  Get Verbal: Scream!  

Take a drive, blast the music and scream loudly.  Go into the woods and scream.  Talk to a safe friend, find an online community who understands, find a good counselor to talk to.  Talk about it with your spiritual community.  Phone a hotline or attend a meeting or a group.  Contact me at TiffanySpilove@yahoo.com if you need help finding any of these resources.

5. Center and Redirect:

If you imagine your rage as a fire hose, blasting towards unhealthy behaviors, you can learn to turn your hose towards something productive.  In order to do this, breathe deep into your belly, feel the fire of the rage, allow it to be there, then imagine you can channel this energy towards something else that benefits you.  Perhaps it’s helping others’ who’ve been through the same thing, maybe it’s writing a book on the subject or to building a support group.  Go inside and ask yourself - if a miracle happened to you and tomorrow you woke up in your own personal miracle, what would your life look like?  Where would you live? Who would be around you?  What would you do with your days?  Take that rage and channel it towards creating that life for yourself.

You can let your trauma destroy your life, or you can use it to rise from the ashes like a phoenix.  Don’t let your perpetrators have any more of you.  Take back your power, your body and your life.  If you need help doing that, I’d be happy to help.  Call me at 610-314-8402 now for a free 15 minute phone consultation.  www.TiffanySpilove.com

The Number 1 Trauma Treatment: EMDR Explained

Lucky us!  Scott Giacomucci, MSS, LSW, CTTS, CET III, trauma specialist, psychodramatist and all around amazing therapist has shared his insights and explained that complicated title: Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, also known as EMDR.  The following is a handout Scott put together for his clients to help explain what EMDR is and how it's done:

EMDR: Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

Often, when something traumatic happens, it seems to get locked in the nervous system with the original picture, sounds, thoughts, feelings, etc.  Since the experience is locked there, it continues to be triggered whenever a reminder comes up. It can be the basis for a lot of discomfort and sometimes a lot of negative emotions, such as fear and helplessness that we can’t seem to control. These are really the emotions connected with the old experience that are being triggered.

What is EMDR?

 Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a late-stage, trauma resolution method.  Developed in the late 1980's, EMDR currently has more scientific research as a treatment for trauma than any other non-pharmaceutical intervention. Based on empirical evidence as well as thousands of client and clinician testimonials, EMDR has proven an efficacious and rapid method of reprocessing traumatic material.

EMDR appears to assist in processing of traumatic information, resulting in enhanced integration - and a more adaptive perspective of the traumatic material. The utilization of EMDR has been shown to be effective with a variety of conditions including generalized and specific anxieties, panic attacks, PTSD symptoms (such as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and flashbacks), dissociative disorders, mood disorders and other traumatic experiences. Theoretically, EMDR is about integration - bilateral hemispheric (right/left brain) integration; triune brain (brain stem, limbic system and cerebral cortex) integration; and mind/body integration, but practically, it’s about convincing the mind and body that the traumatic event is, indeed over. EMDR helps to put the past in the past, where it belongs, instead of staying stuck in it (feeling like it is happened all over again in the present-with the same thoughts, emotions and body sensations- that accompanied the event in the past).

The eye movements (or other bilateral stimulation) we use in EMDR seem to unlock the nervous system and allow your brain to process the experience. That may be what is happening in REM, or dream, sleep: The eye movements may be involved in processing the unconscious material. The important thing to remember is that it is your own brain that will be doing the healing and you are the one in charge.

How is EMDR Done?  (Parnell, 2006)

• Establishment of Safety and Resources - Safety within the therapeutic relationship and safety within each individual EMDR session. During each EMDR session, your therapist will begin by activating your own internal resources. (S)he will guide you in an imaginal, multisensory imagery exercise designed to activate images, emotions and body sensations of safety, protection, nurture and comfort. Once these images have been activated, the actual trauma reprocessing will begin.
• Activating the Traumatic Memory Network - The therapist will ask a series of questions regarding the traumatic memory. The purpose of these questions (or script) is to activate the entire traumatic memory network.
• Adding Alternating Bilateral Stimulation - Once the entire traumatic memory is activated, the therapist will add alternating bilateral stimulation using:

a) buzzing in your hands by turning on the Theratapper

b) alternating auditory tones via headphones or ear buds

c) moving his/her hands back and forth, so you may visually track the movement

• Reestablishment of Safety - regardless of whether the traumatic material was completely processed or not, the session will end at a pre-set time. Before you leave, you will be stable, embodied, oriented and calm. Depending on you and your therapist’s preferences, this may be accomplished in a variety of ways including, but not limited to re-activating your own internal resources, breathing exercises, prolonged muscle relaxation, etc.

Looking to continue EMDR therapy?

-You might begin by asking your IOP/PHP counselor for a recommended outpatient counselor who is skilled in EMDR.

-At the EMDR International Association website (EMDRIA.org) you can navigate to the “Find a Therapist” tab and search for a certified EMDR therapist in your community.

 The current treatment guidelines of the American Psychiatric Association and the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies designate EMDR as an effective treatment for post traumatic stress. EMDR was also found effective by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and Department of Defense, the United Kingdom Department of Health, the Israeli National Council for Mental Health, and many other international health and governmental agencies.

(Giacomucci 2017)(References: EMDRIA; Linda Curran; Laurel Parnell)

Scott Giacomucci, MSS, LSW, CTTS, CET III is a certified trauma treatment specialist and licensed social worker in Pennsylvania. He is a graduate of Bryn Mawr College where he received his Masters in Social Service (MSS) with a concentration in clinical social work. He facilitates trauma treatment services at Mirmont Treatment Center serving a variety of populations including young adults and emergency responders (veterans, police, fire, etc..) in both individual therapy and group sessions. Scott has a gentle, non-judgmental treatment approach that honors the inherent worth of each individual. He utilizes a blend of treatment modalities including both traditional talk therapy and experiential therapy which have been research-proven as the treatment of choice for treating trauma. 

To learn more about Scott Giacomucci and the work he does, you can visit his website at: http://sgiacomucci.com/

Any comments or questions?  We'd love to hear from you!  Please comment below.  For confidential questions, email TiffanySpilove@yahoo.com.  If you need help finding an EMDR therapist, please call 610-314-8402, I'd be happy to help.

100% Accurate Trauma & PTSD Symptom Assessment by Expert Scott Giacomucci, MSS, LSW, CTTS, CET III

Scott Giacomucci, MSS, LSW, CTTS, CET III

A colleague and friend of mine, Scott Giacomucci, MSS, LSW, CTTS, CET III has been up to some pretty amazing things in the world of trauma, psychodrama and PTSD healing.  He was kind enough to share some information he put together for his clients with us.  The following is a handout on Trauma and PTSD.  Let us know what you think and if you have any questions in the comment section below:

 

Trauma and PTSD

                                by Scott Giacomucci, MSS, LSW, CTTS, CET III

Client: "What's wrong with me?"

Therapist: "Well, given your symptoms, I think you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

Client: "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?  What are you talking about?  Trauma?  It doesn't make  sense.  What trauma did I have?  I wasn't in a war or survive a holocaust or anything.  I didn't even really get hurt."

This is a typical response following an assessment and diagnosis of this poorly understood disorder.  It seems appropriate that this diagnosis - like many other serious medical diagnoses - would be initially met with denial to temporarily protect the person from the reality of his/her own vulnerability.  However, in order to effectively treat the condition, the diagnosis eventually needs to be accepted, and in order to accept the diagnosis, one needs to understand it. To this end, I offer the following answers to the two most frequently asked questions: What is trauma? and How bad does it have to be to be traumatic? 

What Is Trauma?

According to one of the foremost experts in healing trauma, Dr. Peter Levine,

“Trauma is a basic rupture - loss of connection to ourselves, our families, and the world.  The loss, although enormous, is difficult to appreciate because it happens gradually. We adjust to these slight changes, sometimes without taking notice of them at all…although the source of tremendous distress and dysfunction, it (trauma) is not an ailment or a disease, but the by-product of an instinctively instigated, altered state of consciousness. We enter this altered state let us call it "survival mode” when we perceive that our lives are being threatened. If we are overwhelmed by the threat and are unable to successfully defend ourselves, we can become stuck in survival mode. This highly aroused state is designed solely to enable short-term defensive actions; but left untreated over time, it begins to form the symptoms of trauma. These symptoms can invade every aspect of our lives.”

One of the most effective ways to evaluate if you have been traumatized is to answer these simple questions about a significant incident: when you remember the incident, is the memory exactly the same every time? Is the memory unusually fragmented or difficult to recall?

If an answer is yes, then the memory is likely a traumatic one.  By no means does one traumatic memory constitute a diagnosis of PTSD; however it does indicate that the traumatic event has been dysfunctionally stored; remains inadequately processed; and continues to cause you distress.

What is a PTSD Diagnosis?

A diagnosis of PTSD is different from most mental-health diagnoses in that it is the only diagnosis that explore and places emphasis on “what happened to you”. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th edition) offers 4 criteria for a PTSD diagnosis.

1.     The first criterion relates to the actual trauma:

•  Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s)

• Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others

• Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or friend

• Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s); this does not apply to exposure through media such as television, movies, or pictures

2.     The second criterion involves the persistent re-experiencing of the event in 1 of several ways:

• Thoughts or perception
• Images
• Dreams
• Illusions or hallucinations
• Dissociative flashback episodes
• Psychological distress or reactivity to cues that symbolize some aspect of the event

3.     The third criterion involves avoidance of stimuli that are associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness, as determined by the presence of 1 or both of the following:

• Avoidance of thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the event
• Avoidance of people, places, or activities that may trigger recollections of the event

4.     The fourth criterion is 2 or more of the following symptoms of negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s):

• Inability to remember an important aspect of the event(s)
• Persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs about oneself, others, or the world
• Persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the event(s)
• Persistent negative emotional state
• Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
• Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others
• Persistent inability to experience positive emotions

5.     The fifth criterion is marked alterations in arousal and reactivity, as evidenced by 2 or more of the following:

• Irritable behavior and angry outbursts
• Reckless or self-destructive behavior
• Hypervigilance
• Exaggerated startle response
• Concentration problems
• Sleep disturbance

6.     The duration of symptoms is more than 1 month

7.     The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in functioning

8.     The disturbance is not attributable to physiological effects of a substance or medical condition

According to Levine,

“The symptoms of trauma may be continually present or they may come and go. They may even surface after being hidden for decades. Usually, symptoms do not occur individually, but in clusters grow increasingly complex over time. Unfortunately, they become less and less connected with the original traumatic experience, making it increasingly difficult to trace the symptoms to their cause, and easier to deny the importance of the traumatic event in one's life. However, if we pay attention to these symptoms, for what they are -internal wake up calls - we can address and begin to heal our trauma.”

Although there are pervasive misconceptions about trauma, PTSD is neither rare nor unusual. But unlike seeking treatment for symptoms related to diabetes or glaucoma, seeking treatment for the symptoms of PTSD is somehow interpreted as a weakness. Although this couldn’t be further from the truth, you may believe it. Maybe even said something like it; Real men don’t ask for help; Trauma couldn't possibly affect a well balanced person, there must be something wrong with me; or the all time favorite, It wasn’t really that bad; I should just get over it.

Don’t you think that if that were an option, you would have done just that?

(reference: DSM5 & Linda Curran)

Scott Giacomucci, MSS, LSW, CTTS, CET III is a certified trauma treatment specialist and licensed social worker in Pennsylvania. He is a graduate of Bryn Mawr College where he received his Masters in Social Service (MSS) with a concentration in clinical social work. He facilitates trauma treatment services at Mirmont Treatment Center serving a variety of populations including young adults and emergency responders (veterans, police, fire, etc..) in both individual therapy and group sessions. Scott has a gentle, non-judgmental treatment approach that honors the inherent worth of each individual. He utilizes a blend of treatment modalities including both traditional talk therapy and experiential therapy which have been research-proven as the treatment of choice for treating trauma. 

To learn more about Scott Giacomucci and the work he does, you can visit his website at: http://sgiacomucci.com/

The 5 Secrets to Quit Binging

At times, all of us have eaten a bit, or a lot more than is comfortable in our bodies.  Holidays, celebrations or sometimes mindless eating in front of the TV can leave us feeling overly full.  For some, this way of eating is more common and happens more frequently than we’d like.  The new DSM-V, the Psychiatric Association’s manual on diagnosis, has created a diagnosis under the eating disorder umbrella called Binge Eating Disorder or BED.  Whether you meet the criteria for this disorder, for bulimia, anorexia, or you just find yourself overly stuffed at times, these tools can be helpful:

1.     Notice what types of foods you’re binging on and write them down. 

It helps to look at your behavioral patterns.  Some people find themselves eating excessive sweets, some are more geared towards fats or starches.  Some people with emotional eating tendencies excessively eat any kind of meal including vegetables.  See if you can find a pattern in your binge choices. 

2.     Notice what you DON’T binge on. 

Are there any types of foods that you’d never consider in a binge or never feel the need to over-eat?  In a recent session, a client was relaying the guilt and shame he felt after a binge.  He reported that he doesn’t usually allow pastries in the house, but was feeling strong recently and thought it’d be okay.  He found himself finishing off the pastries he had in one sitting.  Upon further investigation into what foods he was allowing himself to eat regularly, the client determined that he felt very satisfied when he ate waffles and allowed himself to eat waffles multiple times per week.  I asked him if he ever binges on waffles.  He was shocked when he thought about it and said that – no – he never binges on waffles.  Ok, great, so there’s no waffle binging going on, but how does that help?  Follow me here.

3.     Take a look at what you ‘allow’ yourself to eat regularly. 

What foods do you consider safe?  In an attempt to be healthy, lose weight, or just get control over your food choices, you may be very rigid or restrictive about what you allow yourself to eat on a regular basis.  Perhaps your choices look benign enough like chicken and veggies multiple times per week.  Write down what you’ve eaten over the past 3 days to 1 week or track your food for a week.  What do you notice?

4.     What is missing from your regular eating habits? 

Take those same meal journals and notice what you don’t have there.  If we consider all the food groups: protein, fat, starch, veggies, fruits and dairy – are there any food groups missing?  Are there lots of repeated meals without much variety?

Now I know this might seem completely insane and a bit scary, but HERE’S THE KEY to quit binging.  Ready?

5.     Allow yourself to eat the foods you binge on.

Try adding a portion or 2 of the foods you don’t allow yourself to eat and some of the most common foods you binge on to your regular meal schedule.  I know this might seem counter-intuitive.  Our society tells us to resist, have discipline, diet harder, avoid sugars and carbs and fats and this may be the only voice you’ve ever heard that encourages these things, but just give it a try for a month or even a week and see what happens.  If you are on the anti-carb kick, but then you find yourself binging on carbs, try adding a normal amount of carbs to each meal and see what your body craves after a while.

Here’s the rub – We are creatures of desire. 

Food is part of life!  It’s nourishing and delicious and sensual.  When we restrict ourselves from eating foods we love, we may lose weight in the short run, but this does not happen without consequence.  Our animalistic nature, our Id, it craves pleasure and passion and vigor.  If we force ourselves to live inside a rigid box of rules around food and body, we will always desire to break free and stepping outside of that box causes immense shame and fear.  I am not telling you to overeat or teaching you how to binge differently, but what I am suggesting is that you try to take the power out of the foods that haunt you. 

If you regularly binge on entire cartons of ice cream, see what happens when you have a cup every night for a week.  What emotions come up when you eat it?  Can you journal about them and bring them into your therapist?  What do you find yourself craving after that week of glorious freedom with ice cream?

If you live near The Main Line of Philadelphia or West Chester and want to learn more about binging and how to quit, or you’re not sure where to find support for your feelings around food, you’re not alone.  Please feel free to contact me at 610.314.8402 – I’d be happy to help you find support.

WHAT IS PTSD AND DO I HAVE IT?

Post-traumatic stress disorder, also known as PTSD, is an indication from your body that it needs support in sorting some things out.  Traumatic memories are stored in a different part of your brain than the rest of your memories.  When therapy is completed successfully, brain scans show that the trauma memory has been moved to a different area of the brain.  This alternate area of the brain doesn’t trigger your mind to get confused, your adrenaline to rush, and your body to be on alert.

Here are some of the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-V):

A stressor such as actual or threatened serious injury, threatened death or witnessing of death or actual or threatened sexual violence.

Intrusion symptoms such as

• intrusive memories
• traumatic nightmares
• dissociative reactions such as flashbacks
• prolonged or intense distress after being exposed to a trigger

Avoidance symptoms such as persistent efforts to avoid anything that triggers traumatic memories.

Alterations to thoughts and mood symptoms such as

• not being able to remember important parts of the traumatic event
• believing bad things about yourself and/or the world
• blaming yourself for the traumatic event
• overwhelming emotions such as horror, shame or anger related to the trauma that continue to happen even long after the event
• losing interest in things that you used to enjoy
• not being able to feel positive emotions such as joy

Reactive symptoms such as

• exaggerated startle response
• difficulty concentrating
• sleep difficulties
• hypervigilance
• aggressive or irritable behavior
• reckless or self-destructive behavior

If you are ready to listen your body signals and get some support to untangle the memories and put them in their proper place, I can help.  My name is Tiffany Spilove and I LOVE working with people to heal their past.  I want to make sure that you find peace inside your body and your mind.  I have specialized training and experience helping people who have gone through sexual abuse, physical trauma and emotional pain.    

Call me today for your free 15-minute phone consultation at 610-314-8402 and find out if therapy is a good option for you