By Julia Salerno

We all have that little, teenie tiny voice in our heads or maybe it is a huge voice that never stops….

The voice is nagging us to do this and to do that. Why are you watching Netflix and not cleaning your apartment? What a slob.

The voice that is casting doubt on the goals we have set ahead. You? Run in the Philly LOVE Run, yeah, ok.

The voice that undermines our accomplishment. So what? You got an A on your paper or your boss recognized your accomplishments, someone obviously did better than you ,buddy!

And no, I am not crazy, and if for some reason you have no idea what I am talking about, well consider yourself blessed ten-fold. But if you do know what I am talking about, you know as well as I know, that exact voice...The Inner Critic.

Oh hello, old friend! How I have missed you and your ability to make me question everything, shame me, and give me anxiety.

Our inner critic can feel like the worst to be quite honest. When I think of my inner critic, I picture a little animated character in my brain with a bullhorn screaming negative statements at me. You are not good enough. You are not pretty. People do not think you're funny, you are just weird. There are times when I believe in this imaginary character, and I question myself… “maybe I am not good enough?”

Anybody with me?

In order to understand your own internal critic, one first must understand the meaning of the internal critic.

What is the critical inner voice? How do we form this inner voice that often controls our life? How do we combat this inner critic that lives within us? Well, luckily I have got some answers for you, and you're in the right place. 

What is That Voice I Hear? Am I Losing My Mind? (because, hey, we are in quarantine) 

No, you are not losing your mind! Even if it is day 46 of quarantining yourself in your Philadelphia apartment during COVID-19, the voice inside you is your inner critic. And this voice is difficult to understand sometimes. Even though we may portray to be confident, happy, and successful on the outside, we still might be experiencing difficulties with our self-esteem and confidence. And, that is exactly when our inner critic strikes! The inner critic character thrives on our lack of self-esteem and begins to make us experience emotions such as shame and guilt.

“You are ugly.”

“You are stupid.”

“You are different from others.”

“There is something wrong with you.”

So, the inner critic will continue to make its way to the surface. The critic will make you second guess yourself and cause feelings of low self-esteem. The critic will nag you when you are “supposed” to be doing something else. The critic will undermine your accomplishments. And the critic will slowly begin to shape your identity and sense of self, leading to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

How Does the Voice (and, no not the voice of God) Form?

There are different beliefs surrounding the formation of the inner self-critic. Typically, our self-critical voice is born from early painful life experiences. These experiences could have been directed toward us or could have been situations or attitudes that we witnessed. Maybe, as a young child, you were told you were not good enough. Maybe, you were teased as a child for being different or because of the way that you looked. Maybe, we witnessed behaviors or attitudes that were not safe or nurturing. Whether it be social, cultural, or family influences, there were likely events or experiences that caused the development of your inner self-critic. So, as we got older, we unconsciously adopted the beliefs that we were exposed to. We began to believe our internal critic. We failed to separate reality from the inner critic. The inner critic started to believe it needed to believe that its job is to criticize us in this way. And, the moment we allowed the little character to take over, it began to impact our behaviors, beliefs, and life. So how can one re-teach and heal their inner critic? How can we re-teach ourselves the difference between reality and the critic?

Working with the Inner Critic 

If you were to really dig deep inside yourself, and hold your own internal critic character in your hands what would it look like? How would it feel? Would you be upset, angry, or frustrated at the critic? What would your character look like? Many of us do not know how to combat the nagging that the internal critic brings about within us. In order to overcome this inner critic here are a few steps that you can take: 

Step 1: Identify the Inner Critic Voice. 

Identify what your inner voice is telling you. What is the voice actually saying?  Is it telling you to do something? Acknowledge what the critical inner voice is saying to you. Once you acknowledge your own internal critic, you will be able to learn to separate that voice from reality. Your critical voice is not a reflection of reality. You possess the ability and strength to change the voice.

Step 2: Write down what the Inner Critic Says.

How can you differentiate from your critical inner voice from your own thoughts? Well, consider writing down the critical thoughts that come into your mind in the second person! For example, you might have a thought such as I will never be successful.  Instead of an I statement replace it with a you statement.  You’ll never be successful. By doing this, you will see these thoughts as your little “characters” point of view and not as true statements. You will be able to realize how hostile your internal critic really can be. 

Step 3: Talk back to your Inner Critic.

Respond to your critic by writing down more compassionate statements about yourself. When completing this step, it would be important to write these responses in the first person and utilize I statements. Your internal critic character might make statements such as You are an idiot. When this happens turn to a notepad or even your phone and combat this statement. I may not understand now, but I am smart. This exercise can help to boost your confidence and show a kinder side of yourself. If we hear this statement enough, we might even start to believe it!

Step 4: Rebel against your Inner Critic.

Take action! Do not act on your inner critic but rather act on your own point of view. Take actions that represent who you are, who you want to be, and who you aim to be. And there will be times when your internal critic character will be super loud and that is ok. But you need to remind yourself of who you are and what you have accomplished. Remember to separate the internal critic from reality. You will grow stronger every single time you take action against your critic and the voice will grow weaker! 

Step 5: Get Support- Try Therapy!

If you are experiencing a strong inner critic, and maybe even more so now that you are socially distancing and cooped up in your Graduate Hospital apartment alone with your thoughts, you may be vulnerable to experiencing symptoms such as anxiety, depression, disordered eating and body image distress. Finding a therapist can help you to learn more about your inner critic and the skills needed to quiet and heal this part of you, bringing forth a more confident, empowered Self.. During this time of shelter in place, consider trying telehealth therapy! Talking with a therapist online can help you strengthen your ability to overcome your inner critic in the very place you might be experiencing this part more right now- your home.

We have therapists who work with the inner critic in a variety of ways- utilizing Internal Family Systems (IFS), Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), mindfulness, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Contact us today for a free 15-minute phone consultation to begin telehealth therapy with one of our Philadelphia therapists. 

Julia Salerno is a graduate intern at Spilove Psychotherapy and is working toward her Masters in Mental Health Counseling from Villanova University. Julia received her bachelor’s degree in Interdisciplinary Health Services with minors in Psychology and Health Care Ethics from Saint Joseph’s University in 2019. Julia strives to create a warm, comforting, and safe environment for her clients to share their story with her. Julia utilizes both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialect Behavioral Therapy (DBT) when working with clients. She enjoys working with adults and the geriatric population. Julia believes that the cornerstone of therapy is taking the necessary time to build and nurture the client-therapist relationship, as doing so allows for clients to feel a sense of trust.